In an attempt to stay positive, to keep my vibration up, there were certain corners of my life that I was refusing to sit with, feelings I was refusing to acknowledge. Last year I made several life changes; changes that affected who I was being, my career trajectory, my relationship status, and my vision for the future. These changes started with a thought and that thought was simple, I wanted to be happy, I wanted my kids to see a mom who was happy and thriving.
After my world had been turned on it’s head I created a narrative for myself, one that supported my reality but also gave me hope for the future. I reminded myself of this regularly and shared it with the people in my life. But what I hadn’t done was grieved, grieved for the life I lost and all that I thought it was going to be and grieved for the life I wasn’t going back to. November 2020 was a month of grieving, acknowledging my emotions and feeling them.
When the universe encourages us to face the shadowy corners of our lives, it’s meant to help us heal, to teach us new skills and tools that we’re going to need to reach the next stop on life’s journey. For me I had to get vulnerable, I mean really vulnerable. Asking for support has never been a strong point of mine but here I was ugly crying on the phone asking for that support. For me the challenge didn’t only lie in asking, it was letting the people in my life see me, see me completely raw and open, and it was humbly accepting the support being offered and from whom it was being offered.
When I say the universe has my back, it truly does but for it to deliver me what I need and what I’m asking for, I have to let go. Let go of trying to control every aspect of my life, let go of shying away from the parts of life that may stir up emotions I don’t want to feel. Let go of expectations of what it should look like, and to trust that even though I don’t understand who, what where, when, or how that when ready the universe will deliver.